always wanted to be which I would never be.

the conversation of yesterday night with jenny

J: see, this is happening again. once I sip a martini, I just go for it there is no end!
and I hate, hate, next day I would wake up with nothing but hang over.
I am so jealous of non drinker.

S: As a person who have been non drinker for 22years, I personally don't agree with that

J: Huh? what are you talking about? you do not need to worry of hangover, possible mistake you make when you are drunk.

S: people who drinks any types of alcohol, tend to rely on being drunk to get rid of something terrible happen or memory, even if you would feel worse when you become sober. and it seems working somehow. so people laugh, forget about that happens for a moment.

J: well, yeah.somking cigarette, and drinking a martini are only comfort I can think of.
what do you do when the stress is building up? In case, you are not big on drinking and smoking

S: nothing I can do about. you just face it and let it goes. It is tough.
it may sound weird tho, I really wish I could drink alcohol as much as I want and get drunk until a grief inside of me goes away.